Ep64 The Dark Side of Belonging: When Connection Costs Too Much

The foundation of every meaningful human connection lies in our fundamental needs for love and belonging. But have you ever wondered why you seek connection differently than others around you? Why some relationships feel effortless while others seem constantly challenging?

In this revealing episode, Dr. Dar Hawks uncovers how your unique relationship blueprint determines the way you experience love and belonging. We all have five primary relationship needs – freedom, fun, power, safety/survival, and love/belonging – but one typically dominates our interaction style and expectations.

Freedom-dominant individuals seek connections that respect their independence, while fun-centered people experience belonging through shared joy and playfulness. Those driven by power find fulfillment when their contributions are acknowledged, safety-oriented people prioritize trust and stability, and love/belonging-focused individuals thrive on deep emotional connection and unconditional acceptance.

Dr. Hawks doesn't shy away from exploring the shadow side of our connection needs. When love and belonging go unfulfilled, we can develop unhealthy patterns – codependency, people-pleasing, fear-based attachment, and emotional manipulation. Particularly for empathetic, compassionate people, the tendency to sacrifice personal needs and boundaries in relationships can lead to resentment and burnout.

The psychological impacts of unmet belonging needs extend far beyond temporary discomfort. Loneliness, social anxiety, depression, trust issues, and diminished self-worth can take root, affecting not just our relationships but our entire wellbeing. Dr. Hawks offers practical strategies for healing: practicing self-compassion, engaging in joyful activities, building supportive communities, setting healthy boundaries, and cultivating self-awarenes

Welcome to The Better Relationships Podcast with Dr. Dar Hawks, your guide to building stronger, more fulfilling relationships. Each episode dives into Dr. Dar’s proven Relationship Success Framework, offering practical strategies to help you express your needs, handle difficult conversations, and nurture emotional harmony in all your relationships. Ready to understand yourself and your loved ones better? Take the free Primary Relationship Needs Quiz at needs.drdarhawks.com and start your jou

Did you know? Taking the Primary Relationship Needs Quiz doesn’t just give you insight—it also grants you free access to Dr. Dar’s Relationship Education Video Series and the Better Relationships Community. Inside, you’ll find monthly live events, grounded relationship guidance, and exclusive coaching rates—everything designed to help you feel supported and empowered in your relationships. Visit needs.drdarhawks.com to join our community today!

Thanks for listening today! If something in this episode spoke to you, Dr. Dar would love to connect. You can book a consultation here or take the free quiz at needs.drdarhawks.com if you haven't done so yet. This podcast is for coaching support and education only.

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Love and Belonging
• 9:42 The Five Primary Relationship Needs
• 19:33 The Dark Side of Love and Belonging
• 32:40 Real-World Examples of Unhealthy Patterns
• 45:20 Growth and Service Aspects
• 51:46 Understanding Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs
• 57:55 Different Types of Meaningful Relationships
• 58:44 Psychological Impact of Unmet Needs
• 58:50 Practical Ways to Nurture Self-Love

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:35

Welcome to Episode 64 of the Better Relationships Podcast. I'm Dr Dar Hawks Relationship and Communication Coach and I'm committed to solving any relationship or communication issue or concern, with the goal to do it in 30 minutes or less. Book a session with me at bookingsdardarhawkscom. Session with me at bookingsdrdarhawkscom. Today's topic is about the foundation of all human relationships, why you should be aware of it and how to build it in your relationships.

Speaker 1: 1:10

Love and belonging are both at the core of your primary relationship needs. They're not just emotions but important elements that motivate you to seek connection, acceptance and validation from others. Everyone has this need, but demonstrates it differently through their dominant primary relationship need, which can be discovered by taking my free quiz at needsdrdarhawkscom. There are five primary relationship needs we all have, but they manifest differently for each of us. The five are love and belonging, freedom, fun, power and safety and survival. Freedom, fun, power, and safety and survival. Let's now talk about the differences in the love and belonging need based on which of the five is your dominant primary relationship need, as given to you through the quiz at needsdrarhawkscom? First, I want to talk about the freedom primary relationship need. When freedom is your dominant need, love and belonging are sought in ways that honor and respect independence and personal autonomy. Individuals motivated by freedom desire relationships that do not feel confining or controlling or restrictive. They value partners, friends or family members who respect their need for space, self-expression and choice. Here's an example A person with a high need for freedom may prefer open or flexible relationship structures, resist routines imposed by others and feel most connected when they're trusted to make their own decisions. The second one is the fun primary relationship need. For those whose dominant need is fun, love and belonging are intertwined with shared enjoyment, lightheartedness and playfulness. These people seek relationships where laughter, spontaneity and joy are abundant. Belonging is experienced through mutual participation in pleasurable activities, and serious conversations are best handled through lightheartedness and a lack of heaviness or serious intensity. Here's an example Someone motivated by fun might organize group outings, playful dates or game nights with loved ones. They feel closest to people who share their sense of humor and adventurous spirit.

Speaker 1: 4:06

The next primary relationship need is power, with power as your dominant relationship need, love and belonging are often expressed through influence, recognition, achievement or leadership roles within relationships. On the unhealthy side, power can show up as being controlling or competitive or pushy, or my way or the highway. On the healthy side. These individuals want their contributions to be acknowledged and valued by others and tend to be slightly or more so on the transactional side. Here's an example An individual driven by power may take the initiative in planning family events or leading group projects at work. They feel connected when their opinions matter and when they can support or guide others towards success, or when they're given tasks or take on tasks to help their community.

Speaker 1: 5:13

The fourth primary relationship need is safety and survival. When safety and survival are paramount, love and belonging are rooted in trust, security, reliability and stability. These individuals prioritize relationships where they feel physically and emotionally protected. They need to feel safe and their focus is on ensuring that the people they care about are safe and secure as well. Here's an example A person with this dominant need might gravitate towards close-knit families or dependable social circles. They express care by creating safe environments for loved ones and offer help during crises, or need assurance and ensure financial stability.

Speaker 1: 6:08

The last primary relationship need is love and belonging. Last meeting, not least of importance, just in order that I'm discussing now, for those who prioritize love and belonging, relationships are built on connection, intimacy, empathy and support. These individuals thrive in environments where they can express and receive love freely and completely unconditionally. Full acceptance of who they are is important because they also give that in return. Here's an example. Someone driven by love and belonging may engage in deep conversations, provide emotional support to friends or partners or seek out communities that foster acceptance and understanding. They feel closest when they can share their vulnerabilities and be met with compassion and have others share their deepest sides of themselves as well. I now want to talk about the dark side of love and belonging. I now want to talk about the dark side of love and belonging.

Speaker 1: 7:20

Despite all the positive aspects of love and belonging, there can be a dark side to this need as well. In some cases, individuals may develop an dependent on the opinions and actions of others. Additionally, the fear of rejection or isolation can drive people to conform to social norms or sacrifice their own values and desires in order to fit in. This can result in a loss of individuality and authenticity. Caring, compassionate, empathetic people like my ideal clients tend to forego their own values, needs, boundaries and aspirations in romantic relationships and in their communities. They think that a form of true love is being there fully for their partners and their communities. It's important for individuals who prioritize love and belonging, to find a balance between their need for connection and their own self-identity. By nurturing relationships that are built on mutual respect, support and personal growth, they can experience the true benefits of love and belonging without compromising their sense of self. Here are some examples of the dark side in relationships.

Speaker 1: 8:58

Number one codependency. A person may develop an excessive need for validation or approval from others, leading to codependent relationships where their self-worth relies entirely on another's opinions and actions. Number two loss of individuality. The fear of rejection or isolation can cause someone to suppress their own values, desires or beliefs just to fit in with a group or partner, resulting in diminished authenticity and personal identity. Number three over-sacrifice. Caring and empathetic individuals might regularly forego their own needs, boundaries and aspirations for the sake of relationship. They also change their plans that they've already made for the people they care about. They may believe that sacrificing themselves is a form of true love, which leads to resentment and emotional burnout.

Speaker 1: 10:02

Number four conformity pressure. To maintain a sense of belonging, individuals might conform too closely to social norms or group or relationship expectations, even when these go against their personal morals, values or best interests. Number five emotional manipulation when the need for love and belonging is unmet, regardless of how it is demonstrated, it may make someone vulnerable to manipulation by others who exploit this need for their own gain. Number six fear-based attachment. Relationships can become rooted in fear, such as fear of abandonment, leading to clinginess, jealousy or controlling behaviors that undermine trust and mutual respect. Number seven neglecting self-love In prioritizing connections with others. Individuals can neglect self-love in prioritizing connections with others. Individuals can neglect self-love and acceptance, weakening their self-esteem and making them more susceptible to unhealthy relationship patterns. By the way, it's entirely possible and most likely the case where these behaviors start very early on life, based on our relationships that we had as we were children and growing up. Now let's talk through some examples of each of these and how they show up in relationship, behaviors and choices.

Speaker 1: 11:34

Number one codependency. Jamie constantly checks her phone anxiously awaiting texts from her partner, sam. If Sam seems distant or takes too long to reply, jamie spirals into self-doubt and panic, convinced she does something wrong. She finds herself changing her opinions to please Sam and only feels good about herself when Sam reassures her. Her entire sense of worth is tied to how Sam responds to her. Eventually, sam grows weary of this behavior. Number two loss of individuality. Number two loss of individuality.

Speaker 1: 12:25

When Priya started dating Jordan, she noticed their friend group had very different interests and values than hers. Afraid they wouldn't accept her true self, priya stopped mentioning her love for painting and began dressing and speaking like the rest of the group. Over time she barely recognized herself, feeling disconnected from the hobbies and beliefs that once brought her joy. Over-sacrifice. Ben is known for his empathy and generosity in relationships With his partner. He often says yes to plans he doesn't enjoy and cancels his own commitments to be available for their needs. He tells himself this is what love requires. But resentment slowly builds as he realizes his own dreams are slipping away while trying to make his partner and friendship circle happy. Number four and friendship circle happy. Number four conformity pressure.

Speaker 1: 13:25

In college, emily joined a club where everyone shared similar political values, ones that clashed with hers. Not wanting to feel excluded, she laughed along at jokes she didn't find funny and agreed with the opinions that made her uncomfortable. Though outwardly accepted by the group, emily felt increasingly anxious and disconnected from her own values. Number five emotional manipulation. After a tough breakup, carlos desperately wanted to feel loved again when he met someone new who lavished him with attention but quickly became demanding and critical. Carlos ignored the red and yellow flags. His fear of losing affection made it easy for his new partner to guilt trip him into doing things he wasn't comfortable with.

Speaker 1: 14:17

Number six fear-based attachment. Whenever Maya senses her boyfriend is pulling away even slightly, she becomes overwhelmed by fear of abandonment and fear of loneliness. She starts texting excessively, asking for constant reassurance and gets jealous over small things. This clinginess causes tension, eroding trust and pushing her boyfriend further away. Number seven neglecting self-love. Olivia pours all her energy into caring for others her family friends and romantic partners, her family friends and romantic partners while ignoring her own needs and desires. She rarely takes time for self-care or acknowledges her achievements, feeling the former is selfish and the latter is too boisterous or bragging. As a result, olivia's self-esteem dwindles. She relies on external relationships for validation instead of cultivating a loving relationship with herself.

Speaker 1: 15:59

I want to mention that in each of these examples, all five primary relationship needs show up. I'm not going to go into detail here around how they work, but I'm happy to do so on a call with you. If you'd like to schedule a consult, you can do that at drdarhawkscom and click on the contact link at the far right to schedule your no cost and no obligation consultation to see if relationship coaching and communication coaching is the best fit for you. Here are other examples of how each dark side of love and belonging can show up in relationship behaviors. Number one self-sacrifice. Maya always puts her partner's needs above her own, skipping her art classes and ignoring her friendships to be available whenever he asks. She tells herself that this is what true love looks like. But over time she feels drained and resentful, realizing she's lost touch with who she is. Not only that, over time, her partner takes this for granted and expects it from her.

Speaker 1: 17:07

Number two conformity pressure. After joining a new friend group, alex finds himself laughing at jokes he doesn't like and agreeing with opinions he disagrees with. He fears speaking up or standing out, worried that any sign of difference will lead to rejection from the group he so desperately wants to belong to. Number three emotional manipulation. Desperate for acceptance, priya overlooks red flags in her relationship. Her partner senses this vulnerability and uses guilt, reminding Priya how lucky she is to be loved, to coerce her into doing things she's uncomfortable with, knowing she'll comply, to avoid being alone.

Speaker 1: 17:53

Number four fear-based attachment. Eli's intense fear of abandonment leads him to constantly check his girlfriend's messages and whereabouts. He becomes jealous of her friends and tries to limit her social interactions, believing that controlling her will keep their relationship secure. Neglecting self-love, sophie throws herself into every relationship, seeking validation from others while ignoring her own needs. She rarely spends time alone or pursues her personal interests, feeling empty whenever she isn't in a relationship because she has not learned to love and value herself independently.

Speaker 1: 18:41

Number six dependency and enmeshment. Tom and his best friend do everything together, so much so that Tom struggles to make decisions or enjoy hobbies without consulting his friend first. Their identities blur, making it hard for Tom to know where his identity is and where his friend's identity starts. Number seven exclusion and groupthink. A tight-knit community begins ostracizing those who question group traditions. When Jordan dares to suggest a different way of doing things, the group shuts him down and eventually stops inviting him altogether. This is a punishing dissent to preserve a false sense of unity and belonging.

Speaker 1: 19:30

We want to talk about love and belonging in context or in relationship to personal growth and service aspects, when growth and development are at the forefront, love and belonging are expressed through personal growth, learning and self-improvement. These individuals value relationships that inspire them to evolve and challenge themselves. For example, an individual motivated by growth might participate in workshops or seek mentors who help them develop new skills. They feel connected when they can engage in meaningful discussions about personal development or collaborate on projects that promote growth, contribution and service. With contribution and service, love and belonging are expressed through acts of kindness, generosity and making a positive impact on each other's lives. These individuals find fulfillment in giving back to their communities and relationships and, over time, they also appreciate reciprocity. Here's an example Someone driven by contribution may volunteer regularly or initiate charitable endeavors. They feel connected when they can make a difference alongside like-minded individuals or when their efforts are truly appreciated and validated by those they serve.

Speaker 1: 20:54

My point in providing these examples is to show you how each dominant primary relationship need shapes how people seek love and belonging, whether through honoring your independence, which is freedom, sharing joyful moments, which is the primary relationship need, or fun gaining respect, which is the primary relationship need of power. Or building trust, which is the primary relationship need of safety and survival. Understanding your unique blend can deepen your connections with yourself and others and create a deeper understanding of each other and yourself. Understanding your own dominant primary relationship need, which is the one is most important to you, as well as those of your loved ones can greatly improve communication, empathy and connection in your relationships. So take the quiz today and learn what your dominant primary relationship need is that drives your behavior, your actions and your communication. You can take the quiz at needsdrdarhawkscom to better understand yourself and others around you as you move towards healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

Speaker 1: 22:14

When I talk about the primary relationship need of love and belonging, I mean it's your strong desire to both give love freely and feel genuinely accepted within your communities and relationships. Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs beautifully highlights this, as it's the third level in his model, a stage where, once basic survival is secured, humans crave meaningful relationships. Love and belonging comes after safety and physiological needs, signaling their vital role in all human relationships. Understanding this fundamental need helps you grasp why fitting in and feeling valued hold such significance. It truly influences how you interact with others, supports your emotional well-being and establishes a foundation for joyful, healthy relationships that respect both giving and receiving love. It's also important to define what love is and is not, and to get clear about the healthy aspects of love and belonging versus the unhealthy aspects, some of which I've already covered.

Speaker 1: 23:30

Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs presents a truly powerful framework for understanding human motivation. It's really the start of that understanding. At its core lies a pyramid with five levels, each representing different psychological needs. The third level, love and belonging, holds a special place because it connects you deeply to others. This stage follows after your basic physiological and safety needs are met, such as food, water, clothing and shelter, and this highlights its essential role in developing emotional connection. I believe no human being can thrive or survive without a sense of love and belonging and be a healthy human.

Speaker 1: 24:23

Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs does illustrate human motivation as a pyramid with these five levels. Number one, physiological needs, basic survival needs such as food, water, shelter, as I've mentioned previously, safety needs, security, stability and protection from harm. The third one is love and belonging, which consists of things like friendship, intimacy, family bonds, group membership, community, all of which are the foundation for healthy relationships and emotional well-being. The fourth one, which is towards the top of the pyramid, consists of esteem. Physiological needs are the bottom of the pyramid, followed by safety needs on top of that, and then love and belonging, which tends to be the center of the pyramid and the grounding force for all the others. The fourth one is esteem. This involves the need for self-esteem and recognition from others, respect from others and a sense of personal accomplishment or achievement. The fifth one, at the very top, is self-actualization, and this represents the desire to reach one's full potential, achieve personal growth and self-transcendence. This is a level that goes beyond the self and involves experiences of altruism and spiritual fulfillment. However, it is love and belonging that forms the foundation for these higher levels, as they provide a sense of connection, acceptance and support in our relationships.

Speaker 1: 25:57

Without love and belonging, it becomes difficult to explore our potential or experience true fulfillment in life. Without love and belonging, it's difficult to focus on physiological and safety needs as a priority as well, much less improve our self-esteem. The love and belonging level sits at the center of this hierarchy, and it's a critical stage where humans crave authentic connection and acceptance after their basic needs are met. But consider this If your basic needs aren't met and you don't have a sense of love and belonging, even self-love, it's difficult to be a stand and a force to take actions to ensure that your basic needs are met. That said, when love and belonging are fulfilled, you feel connected to friends, family, partners and communities, your emotional health flourishes, your self-esteem grows stronger and you're empowered in your relationships, as well as reaching for your highest potential. Without them, loneliness and distress blocks your growth and motivation for deeper achievement diminishes, much less the motivation for looking for solutions in order to get your needs met. Nurturing love and belonging unlocks your path to self-esteem and self-actualization, and solidifies the basic physiological and safety needs as well.

Speaker 1: 27:29

Let's now talk about the role of unmet love and belonging needs. Love and belonging, when unmet, are classified as deficiency needs. These arise from a sense of lack and create a constant, intense internal drive to fulfill them. When these needs remain unmet, you often experience emotional distress, motivating you to seek out connections that restore balance, or motivating you to seek out connections that may be very unhealthy for you, because that's better than not having love and belonging at all, even if it's a false sense of love. This explains why forming meaningful bonds and relationships is truly fundamental to your psychological health. Let's explore this further.

Speaker 1: 28:24

Love can be seen as the act of giving of affection, care and support towards others and for yourself, without expecting anything in return. It is the generous expression of kindness that nurtures relationships. That said, I don't fully buy into the notion of not expecting anything in return. Expecting anything in return. Love should be reciprocal. It should be a feeling or a sense of nurturing exchange. Belonging, by contrast, is about receiving affirmation, acceptance and validation, and fitting in within groups or close relationships. It's the feeling of being valued just as you are, for who you are Quirks, flaws, gifts, strengths and all. It's also about finding your community, where you fit in, feel safe and are accepted for who you are here. This is the reciprocity component of love.

Speaker 1: 29:27

The difference between love and belonging lies in this dynamic Love emphasizes what you offer. Belonging focuses on what you receive. Yet they are inseparable partners in healthy relationships. One flourishes when the other is present and diminishes when the other is not. Love is not just about giving. It's about creating a space where belonging can grow. Without love's active giving, belonging feels hollow. Without belonging's acceptance, love struggles to thrive. Together, they build the foundation for authentic emotional connection and healthy communication, one that supports your growth and well-being at every stage of life and that of your relationships. I now want to cover components of love and belonging in different types of relationships. Love and belonging find expression through a variety of emotional relationships, each contributing uniquely to your sense of connection and fulfillment. These relationships form the web of support that nurtures your heart and soul.

Speaker 1: 30:39

Number one friendships. Friendships provide companionship, trust and shared experiences. They are spaces where you give affection freely and receive affirmation without judgment or criticism. True friends and partners celebrate your victories and hold you gently through the challenges, creating a vital sense of belonging. They're not just there for you in the good times, but also the difficult and challenging times. In the good times, but also the difficult and challenging times. Number two family bonds. Family bonds often serve as your first introduction to love and belonging. Whether by blood or choice, family ties offer a foundation of unconditional acceptance. When they are healthy, these connections teach you early lessons about trust, loyalty and emotional safety.

Speaker 1: 31:33

Number three romantic relationships. Romantic relationships deepen your experience of love by cultivating intimacy, vulnerability and mutual care. Here, love is actually and actively given through attention, kindness and support, while belonging is felt in being seen, valued, heard and embraced for who you truly are. Number four membership in social groups or communities. Beyond personal connections, membership in social groups or communities plays a critical role in nurturing belonging. Whether it's a book club, spiritual community or volunteer organization, these groups provide shared identity and collective affirmation. Being part of something larger than yourself anchors you in a network of acceptance that feeds your emotional well-being. Each relationship type that I'm covering here adds layers to the depth of love and belonging, which only you can define and determine the extent to which you feel fulfilled in your love and belonging need. The fifth one is chosen family. Chosen family consists of those individuals who may not be related to you by blood but have become an essential part of your support network. Chosen family contributes significantly to your sense of love and belonging. Chosen family provides a sense of safety, understanding and acceptance that actually rivals that of biological or legal family bonds.

Speaker 1: 33:16

Number six self-acceptance and self-love. Lastly, love and belonging start from within you. Cultivating self-love and self-acceptance is essential to establish a solid foundation for your healthy relationships and your sense of belonging in the world. Embracing your strengths and imperfections, setting boundaries boundaries and prioritizing self-care and self-esteem and self-love are all vital components of building a strong sense of love and belonging within yourself. The thing about self-love and acceptance is that the degree to which you have self-love and acceptance for yourself is mirrored through the relationships that you attract. So the less you love yourself, the tendency is to attract people who may not appreciate you, who may not value you, who may take advantage of you as an example. So it's important to know that love and belonging needs are multifaceted, deeply personal experiences that you can nurture and be nurtured through your various relationships, from family to romantic connections, your social groups, chosen family and, most importantly and ultimately, within yourself. Understanding these different sources can help you navigate your own needs for love and belonging, while building meaningful connections that nourish your emotional well-being.

Speaker 1: 34:52

Let's now discuss the psychological impact of unmet love and belonging needs. The primary relationship need of love and belonging does hold immense power when it comes to your mental, emotional, physical and spiritual health. When this need goes unmet through any of the above relationship types, deep emotional wounds can develop, leading to significant psychological challenges. Unfulfilled love and belonging often manifest as loneliness, which is a profound sense of isolation that goes beyond physical solitude. It's that aching feeling of not being seen or valued or heard by others. Social anxiety, fear and apprehension around social interactions may arise from a lack of confidence in one's acceptance within groups or relationships. Depression, persistent sadness and hopelessness can stem from the belief that connection and affection are out of reach. Difficulty trusting others, a struggle to rely on or open up to people, often due to past experiences of rejection or neglect.

Speaker 1: 36:07

Low self-worth, chronic feelings of inadequacy or unworthiness stemming from a perceived lack of acceptance or love. Emotional numbness, suppressing emotions or feeling disconnected from your own feelings as a defense mechanism against potential hurt or disappointment, whether real or imagined. People-pleasing behaviors, overextending yourself to gain approval. Fearing abandonment if you assert your own needs. Fear of intimacy, avoiding close relationships out of concern that vulnerability will lead to further rejection. Envy or resentment. Feeling bitterness. Envy or resentment, feeling bitterness toward others who seem to have fulfilling relationships, or being jealous, which can reinforce isolation. Difficulty setting boundaries, allowing others to overstep personal limits in hope of gaining acceptance and avoiding conflict. Self-criticism, engaging in negative self-talk, believing that any rejection or lack of acceptance is a reflection of personal flaws. Escapist behaviors. Seeking solace in distractions like excessive work, substance abuse or technology use to avoid confronting feelings of loneliness. Physical health impacts Prolonged isolation and chronic loneliness have been linked to increased risk of cardiovascular disease, weakened immune system and mental health disorders. Social withdrawal, withdrawing from social activities and avoiding interaction with others as a means of self-protection, which further perpetuates feelings of isolation.

Speaker 1: 38:09

Seeking love and belonging in the workplace. The workplace can become a substitute for personal relationships, as individuals seek validation and a sense of belonging from colleagues or managers. This results in blurred boundaries between work and personal life, which actually leads to stress, increased stress and burnout, and is unsustainable. Seeking love and belonging in the workplace is really not the place to get those needs fulfilled. And when things happen in the workplace such that you might lose your job, the sense of loss is really ginormous because you lose everything if you don't have love and belonging in your own life outside of the workplace. The emotional toll, the lack of genuine connections, can take a toll on your emotional well-being, which leads to feelings of emptiness, sadness and despair. The influence on decision-making A lack of love and belonging can impact your decision-making processes, as individuals may seek immediate relief or gratification without considering long-term consequences of unhealthy choices. An increase in potential for addiction In the absence of love and belonging combined with healthy coping mechanisms, individuals may turn to addictive behaviors or substances or unhealthy relationships as a mean of numbing the pain of loneliness, because that is better than nothing, which is a fallacy.

Speaker 1: 39:51

The negative impact on mental health A lack of love and belonging, and consequently loneliness, contributes to the development or exacerbation of mental health issues such as depression or anxiety. Negative self-perception. Chronic loneliness can lead to a distorted view of oneself, reinforcing feelings of unworthiness or undesirability. Reduced life satisfaction. The absence of meaningful connections and support networks can diminish overall life satisfaction and well-being. A vicious cycle a lack of love and belonging and consequently, loneliness often creates a self-perpetuating cycle where the emotional effects make it much more challenging to form and maintaining relationships, which then leads to further isolation. I want to highlight the importance of social support. Research shows that having strong social support networks can mitigate the negative effects of a lack of love and belonging and loneliness and contribute to your overall and contribute to better overall health and your well-being.

Speaker 1: 41:09

Recognizing these manifestations is essential for understanding how your love, how your unmet love and belonging needs impact your mental, emotional, physical and spiritual health and inspire and motivate you to take steps towards healing and connection. These impacts remind you just how essential the primary relationship need of love and belonging is, not simply for happiness, but for your overall psychological well-being. Embracing love and belonging nurtures resilience, restores hope and creates fertile ground for your healing and growth. The emotional pain from unmet love and belonging needs can have far-reaching effects, impacting your overall well-being, your self-esteem and your ability to form healthy relationships. Without a sense of love and belonging, it can become difficult to move through life in a healthy way, find joy in everyday experiences and cultivate a positive sense of self. These mental health consequences affect more than your mood. They influence your ability to engage fully in life, trust others and nurture yourself.

Speaker 1: 42:30

Without the foundation of love and belonging, feelings of unworthiness can take a hit, leaving us vulnerable to self-doubt, over-analysis, people-pleasing and emotional withdrawal. There is an urgency to seeking support when there's a lack of love and belonging or there is a past situation that has not been healed or resolved due to lack of love and belonging and that's a past situation or past relationship. It could even be in a current relationship that's estranged or a relationship that's really challenging or difficult. Recognizing and addressing feelings of unmet love and belonging needs from your past and current relationships is really essential. Seeking professional help can provide valuable support to heal from these impacts and the consequences of unmet love and belonging needs. Please know that these impacts are not permanent and they truly can be addressed through self-reflection, relationship coaching, by working with someone like myself and building meaningful connections.

Speaker 1: 43:45

Here are some practical ways now to nurture love and belonging within yourself. Building a strong foundation of love and belonging within yourself is a crucial, essential and, dare I say, beginning step towards healing and growth. One important lesson in life is that when you learn to love and accept yourself, it opens the door for you to attract loving relationships with others, even those who you've had relationships with but have not exactly been of the love and belonging ilk. This journey begins with kind and accepting words to yourself and understanding that you deserve love and a sense of belonging, exactly as you are. Practicing self-care and engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment also will help build love and belonging within yourself. Surround yourself with people who support and uplift you, and this will create a sense of belonging in your social circles. Stay open to new connections and experiences and take the initiative to reach out and build meaningful relationships. To reach out and build meaningful relationships, have conversations that talk about. You know, our relationship tends to be very surface level. I'd really like to have a more meaningful, deeper relationship with you and get to know each other more intimately. Are you open to that? Well, what would that look like? Let's talk about what that would look like, and that opens a window and a door to creating something new with someone you've already had a relationship with. Healing and growth are ongoing processes, but by prioritizing love and belonging within yourself, you can create a solid foundation for a more fulfilling life. Here are some more practical ways to cultivate love and belonging Practice self-compassion.

Speaker 1: 45:39

Treat yourself with the same kindness, understanding and forgiveness that you give to others or that you would offer to a loved one. Engage in activities you enjoy more often than not. Pursue hobbies, interests and passions that bring you joy and a sense of fulfillment. Surround yourself with positive influences. Seek out supportive friends, family members or communities who uplift and validate your worth. This is something that relationship coaching can also provide you with. It's not just about talking about your relationships. It's about helping you tap into the immense potential within yourself to become a better person, a better partner and a better individual. In all your relationships, ensure you're thinking and speaking about yourself also in a positive and compassionate manner a positive and compassionate manner. Practice empathy. Put yourself in the shoes of others. Seek to understand their experiences and show them kindness and compassion, and then do that for yourself. Practice empathy for yourself. This creates connection, but also and also helps you create a deeper understanding of yourself.

Speaker 1: 46:52

Set healthy boundaries. Learn to say no and not feel bad or guilty about it when necessary, and establish and maintain healthy boundaries in your relationships. This ensures that your needs are met and prevents feelings of resentment or neglect. Prioritize your needs first and establish clear boundaries in your relationships to ensure mutual respect and emotional safety. Also, know what you'll do and say when boundaries are crossed. Cultivate self-awareness. Reflect on past experiences and patterns to gain insight into your attachment style and areas that require healing. I'm happy to define attachment styles and what they mean during a free consultation if you would like to schedule one with me. I'm not going to go into that today in this podcast, but may possibly include it in a future podcast. But may possibly include it in a future podcast. You can book your consult at drdarhawkscom and click the contact link on the top right Number.

Speaker 1: 48:01

Seven practice gratitude Regularly. Acknowledge and appreciate the love and belonging that already exists in your life, whether it's from pets, friends or nature, and acknowledge and appreciate things that you've done and appreciate who you are. And lastly, seek professional support. Consider working with a coach who specializes in relationships and can provide guidance on creating love and belonging within yourself and in your relationships. Belonging within yourself and in your relationships. If you're struggling with deep-rooted issues or finding it difficult to cultivate self-love, consider relationship coaching. A trained, professional relationship coach can provide you guidance and support on your journey towards healing and self-acceptance, as well as creating healthy relationships. If you'd like to see if relationship coaching with me is a fit for you, please do schedule a consult, and you can do that by going to drdahrhawkscom and clicking the contact link at the top. I would love to speak with you, learn more about you and see how I can support you.

Speaker 1: 49:18

Nurturing love and belonging is an ongoing process that requires your patience and self-compassion. By investing in your own well-being and cultivating a sense of love and belonging within yourself, you'll create a solid foundation for building healthy, fulfilling relationships with others. But not only that you will start attracting amazing things to your life and to you when you activate the energy of love and belonging within yourself. It truly is amazing what happens when you shift your body, mind and spirit and energy towards the foundation of love and belonging. As I've said previously, your path to love and belonging starts from within. By practicing self-love, surrounding yourself with positive influences, cultivating empathy, cultivating empathy and cultivating empathy, you can create a life filled with meaningful connections and a deep sense of belonging. Healing and building a sense of love and belonging is also an ongoing process. Be patient with yourself. Don't be embarrassed or humiliated or feel like you have to figure this out for yourself. Seek professional support. Designing spaces that encourage belonging means cultivating emotional safety. When people feel accepted and valued, they're more likely to open up and engage deeply. When they feel safe, they open up Some emotional supports. Here are some emotional support strategies Welcome diverse perspectives without judgment, criticism, interrupting, injecting your opinion, thereby making room for everyone's voice, regardless of the type of relationship.

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This is A partner, a family member, a friend, a co-worker. Welcoming diverse perspectives is important to your growth as well. Encourage vulnerability by sharing your own experiences and emotions first. That shows people you're creating a safe place and you feel safe, and they will tend to mirror that. Recognize achievements and milestones within your relationships or community groups and for yourself, and don't be afraid to ask for others to recognize you for specific achievements and what it took to accomplish them. It's important to acknowledge all the work that it took to get there as well, and detailing the specifics around the work that it took to get there as well, and detailing the specifics around the work that you did. Establish rituals or traditions. This creates a sense of unity and shared identity. Building these environments also requires patience, but also, and more importantly, consistency. But it does pay off with richer, more satisfying relationships and you will feel better about yourself.

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I want to touch on the importance of love and belonging and personal growth now through understanding Maslow's hierarchy. According to psychologist Abraham Maslow, our needs can be organized into a hierarchy that I've explained before. At the base are basic needs like food and shelter, but as we fulfill those, we seek higher level needs such as love and belonging, self-esteem and, ultimately, self-actualization, which is about becoming the best version of yourself, and that is what I am here to help you do, along with having the best version of your relationships. Do along with having the best version of your relationships. So let's talk now about how love and belonging supports growth. Meeting your needs for love and belonging is crucial for moving up in the hierarchy. In Maslow's hierarchy, when you have genuine connections with others and feel accepted for who you are, it strengthens your confidence and self-worth.

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Here's how Number one positive self-image. Instead of relying on external validation or approval from others, you develop a healthy self-image. You develop a healthy self-image based on authentic relationships. Number two exploration without fear. With the support of loved ones or your community, you feel safe to explore your potential and pursue your passions without the fear of being rejected or isolated. Number three or isolated Number three resilience through support. Loving and healthy relationships provide you with emotional support during difficult times, helping you bounce back from those challenges.

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I want to touch on the impact on your mental well-being again. Love and belonging play a vital role in nurturing your mental well-being. Love and belonging play a vital role in nurturing your mental well-being. When you have strong connections with others, it reduces feelings of loneliness and fosters a sense of security. This positive environment allows your inner voice to affirm that you are enough, which is essential for building healthy self-esteem, for building healthy self-esteem. With a solid foundation of self-esteem in place, your journey towards self-actualization becomes more attainable. Instead of viewing it as an unrealistic goal or distant dream, one that you ignore, you can take actionable steps towards realizing your full potential.

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The relationships you cultivate act as mirrors reflecting your worth back to you. They encourage you to grow beyond just meeting basic survival needs and explore your unique gifts, creativity and purpose. When love and belonging coexist harmoniously in your life, when you feel loved by others while also experiencing true belonging, it creates an environment conducive to personal transformation. In this space, you are empowered to embrace all aspects of yourself aspects of yourself. You find motivation to pursue activities that bring you joy. You discover new ways of expressing yourself creatively. This synergy between feeling loved and fully accepted with belonging becomes fertile ground where your personal growth flourishes. Love and belonging is a powerful catalyst propelling you towards becoming the best version of yourself. Now it's time for you to take action.

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Discover your dominant primary relationship need through this quiz. Understanding your dominant primary relationship need, your secondary need and how the other three needs operate within you is a powerful step towards creating joyful, healthy connections. The Relationship Needs Quiz at needsdrdarhawkscom that's needsdrdarhawkscom offers a simple, insightful way to uncover what matters most to you, starting with the primary relationship need of love and belonging. By taking this quiz, you can gain clarity on which needs actually drive your feelings of fulfillment and happiness in relationships. You will recognize how love and belonging shape your emotional well-being and you'll learn practical ways to nurture these needs consciously in your daily interactions and within yourself. Awareness transforms how you give and receive love, empowering you to build better relationships and cultivate environments where both you and those around you feel truly valued, heard, and safe and accepted. Your journey towards balanced, meaningful relationships begins by knowing what you need, and this quiz is designed to guide you there with compassion and insight. Take the first step today. Open your browser Type in needsdrdarhawkscom, hit enter and scroll to take the quiz.