Ep35 How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It?

In episode 35 of the Better Relationships Podcast, I explore the transformative power of nonverbal communication and action in strengthening your marriage. Dr. Dar,  The Relationship Healer, guides you through a journey of understanding how to enhance your marriage without the need for deep, verbal discussions that can sometimes lead to stress or conflict.

Discover 25 actionable strategies that go beyond words, from the art of presence and the power of touch, to acts of service and creating shared rituals. Learn how to be a good listener, express appreciation, practice empathy, and prioritize quality time, all while maintaining respect and understanding for your partner's communication style.

Also learn about the Five Sovereign Relationship Needs—love and belonging, fun, freedom, power, and safety and survival. Dr. Dar Hawks provides real-life examples and insights on how to fulfill these needs silently, fostering a deeper connection that transcends spoken words.

Whether it's through shared activities, mutual empowerment, or cultivating a safe environment, this episode is packed with wisdom to help you and your partner grow closer without the pressure of words. For those eager to dive deeper, take the Sovereign Relationship Needs quiz at needs.drdarhawks.com.

Tune in to learn how small, incremental steps and nonverbal efforts can lead to significant shifts in your relationship. Join Dr. Dar on The Better Relationships Podcast, where we transform marital challenges into opportunities for connection and growth, one silent gesture at a time.

Welcome to the Better Relationships Podcast where Dr. Dar Hawks shares relationship tips and advice to help you be seen, heard, understood, and supported in your relationships.  Taking on tough topics and giving you hope, inspiration, and ideas to experiment with, Dr. Dar Hawks is passionate about creating healthier, happier, and harmonious relationships... 
Because when you are happy in your relationship, the world becomes a better place for all of us.

Welcome to the Better Relationships Podcast where Dr. Dar Hawks shares relationship tips and advice to help you be seen, heard, understood, and supported in your relationships.  Taking on tough topics and giving you hope, inspiration, and ideas to experiment with, Dr. Dar Hawks is passionate about creating healthier, happier, and harmonious relationships... 
Because when you are happy in your relationship, the world becomes a better place for all of us.

Transcript

1:00

Welcome to episode 35 of the Better Relationships podcast. Today's topic is how to improve your. Marriage without talking about it. I'm, um, Doctor Dara, the relationship healer, and let's dive in. When your marriage is in trouble, the. Last thing your partner wants to do. Is dive into a deep conversation about what's broken, much less how to fix things. Anytime you bring up wanting to talk about your relationship, making things better between. You, or just having a conversation about each other's day, it just causes stress, or worse, an argument. So how do you improve your marriage without talking about it? Nonverbal communication, believe it or not, can be more effective and empowering than verbal communication. While talking openly is essential, there are other ways to improve your relationship without directly addressing the issues. Let's explore some commonly advised strategies. Number one, be a good listener. Remove distractions, watch for nonverbal cues, and show genuine interest in your partner. And it's essential to avoid interrupting your partner when you need to speak or when there's time for you to share. Ask if you can share, and then invest a few moments to think through what you want to say before you speak so that what you say is clear, concise, and kind. And when you do pause, let your partner know. I'm pausing to gather my thoughts so that they don't interrupt your thought process. Number two, express appreciation. Regularly expressing gratitude and appreciation for your partner, while also acknowledging their qualities and efforts, whether big or small, or even not to your level of detail with kindness will go a long way. Behavior that's acknowledged and appreciated gets repeated, and that builds a healthy, happy, and harmonious relationship. Practice flexibility. You may make plans, or your partner may say something and you think of it as a promise or a commitment, or an agreement. But life happens and things change. And when that happens, it's hard not to think about, um, your partner breaking a promise. But the reality is, it's really necessary for you to be adaptable when unexpected changes occur. You could say something like, oh, I understand, we had a commitment to do this on this day at this time, but this has happened. So let's pick another day to make that other thing happen. Number four, prioritize quality time. Set aside dedicated time to connect with each other daily, whether it's a conversation over dinner, or a quiet walk together, or even doing the dishes together. You really need to make it a habit, like a daily habit, because that will build a deeper connection, even if you're not talking while you're doing it together. Activities, when shared without conversation, speak more loudly than filling the time with talk. Number five, use I statements instead of blaming, criticizing, or accusing. Express your thoughts and feelings using I statements. For example, I feel hurt when this situation happened, not using you statements to blame your partner. Or you could say, I was thinking this when I heard this statement instead of when I heard you say the reason why. Is it because? Is because it puts you or your partner on the defensive and then that can spiral into a fight or argument and refrain from using terms like you always or this always happens or number six, avoid criticism. Focus on positive reinforcement and support rather than criticism. Ask for support in resolving issues without attacking your partner or their character or their actions and shifting from criticizing. Blaming, accusing can be really difficult. So hire a relationship coach to work. With you on how to shift and transform criticism and critical language and thinking. Into a more positive way of communicating. And thinking that is going to benefit. You but also create better results in. Your connection with your partner. Number seven, learn each other's communication style. Understand how your spouse communicates. Some people prefer direct communication and conversations, while others, while others need time to process. And we need to ask our partners, do you need time to process this? And if they say yes, say, great, let's talk about it tomorrow afternoon during our quality time together. That's really honoring each other's space and each other's need and ways of communicating. Number nine, nonverbal communication. Pay attention to your body language and your partner's, the eye contact and the gestures being used. Sometimes what's left unsaid says a lot, but don't make assumptions. Instead, say, I'm sensing this for you. Is that true for you? Number ten, set boundaries. Agree on boundaries for discussions, avoid heated arguments and revisit topics when emotions have cooled down and when the topic doesn't feel charged and urgent for you to address and resolve. Right now, in this moment, most of the time, things can wait until you're both in a healthy, happy, and harmonious frame of mind and your body posture is relaxed. Number eleven, practice empathy. Put yourself in your partner's shoes. Understand their perspective. Validate their thoughts and feelings. Also, validation doesn't mean you have to agree or think that they are 100% right. It's really about making them feel safe and giving them the freedom to have their own feelings and thoughts, not discounting their feelings and thoughts or not saying you're wrong. And instead it's just giving them space to share. And you can simply say thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings about that topic. It's not an opportunity for you to defend your thoughts or feelings. It's an opportunity for them to share. You could ask, do you have a request of me? Or is there a question, uh, for me? Or how can I support you through this? Or are there things that I can do to shift that perspective for you? Those ways of communicating and showing empathy are really healthy and build a stronger relationship. Number twelve, avoid mind reading. Don't assume you know what your spouse is thinking. Even if you think you know him or her extremely well, it's still an assumption until you ask curious questions. To learn more about their perspective and to seek clarity. Whether you ended up being right or not is immaterial. The point is, you're not making assumptions and you're involving your partner and being curious enough to want to know what they're thinking. 13. I think we've already talked about this, but it's important enough to point out again, choosing the right time. Timing matters. Avoid discussing important matters during stressful or busy moments. Pay attention to you. Pay attention to yourself and your partner, and notice when they're most calm and open. Whether your partner needs personal space in the morning after waking up or in the evening after getting home, I find that couples will jump on each other to communicate things that are really important, essential or crucial. As soon as there is the perception of focused time. Usually it's in the car with closed. Doors and no distractions. Which is the worst place and most unsafe place place to have these conversations? Or as soon as they've walked in the door, or as soon as they've come out of the bedroom fully dressed in the morning. Which is why it's really crucial to choose times of day and it be a standard ten or 15 minutes every day to have these conversations and make decisions. And if something's going to take longer, table it for, uh, 30 minutes or an hour over the weekend where you've already carved out connection time. I also like to say, or like my clients, to carve out not only quality time together, but to keep that separate from decision time. And decision time is really important, right? Because there's things that happen during the week that need to be decided on together or individually, but you need to inform or want to inform your partner or include them. So don't use your quality time to have those conversations. Carve out separate decision times so that both of you come with the mindset of supporting each other to make decisions for your household and for each other. Also for urgent decisions, things that have to be decided that day. I find usually nothing is that urgent on a week to week basis. But they do arise. Those emergencies do arise, and in that case, carve out a portion of your quality time. But inform your partner, hey, this evening's 15 minutes. I need ten minutes of that time to discuss this issue that's become urgent and get agreement to do that. Or if they say, no, I need. Our quality time, then say, can we. Schedule another block of ten to 15. Minutes to discuss this and call that decision time? Number 14. I've already addressed this too, but it bears, uh, importance, and important enough, and is important enough to bring up again. Learn each other's best times of day. Understanding whether you or your partner is a morning, afternoon, or evening person will help you determine when it's best to connect and have conversations instead of hitting. Them up whenever your need arises. The other thing is, pay attention to when they're most productive. Those aren't the times to have these conversations because they're in go and get it done mode. Number 15. Be open and honest. Share your thoughts, fears, and dreams. Openly being transparent builds trust. Also, let your partner know, I am sharing my thoughts, fears, and dreams with you right now. I don't need you to solve anything, fix anything, support me, or do anything. I just want to share my thoughts and feelings and fears and dreams with you. If we don't ask our partners how to listen when we're communicating, and if we're unclear about what we need in that conversation from our partner, then we don't know what to ask for, and it creates unnecessary conflict because we haven't asked them how we need them to listen, and we haven't told them or informed them what we need from them as a result of that conversation. Number 16. Spend more time together. Prioritize quality time with each other. Make that non negotiable in your calendar and have it blocked out. Engage in activities you both enjoy, whether it's cooking together, going for walks, or watching a movie, shared experiences build connection. And when you schedule this time that is non negotiable. You show that you care about each other and that you think of each. Other as a priority. Sure, there are things that pop up in life that make us need to reschedule time, but make that a rare occurrence. If there's a party you've been invited to or a speaking event you've been invited

to that starts at 07: 14:11

00 p.m. But your quality time is from seven to 715. Get to the event and walk in 15 minutes late. After your quality time in a corner or cubbyhole of the hotel, for example, there are ways to work around interruptions that cause a need to reschedule. Look for those ways to still fit. It in instead of rescheduling. Number 17 hug your spouse regularly hugging is a nonverbal way to express love and intimacy. It is said that when you work. Towards four to six hugs a day, it will help you both be present. For each other and improve your listening. Number 18 focus on the positive instead. Of dwelling on negatives, intentionally notice and. Appreciate the positive aspects of your partner. Express gratitude for their efforts and kindness and if your partner's not giving you the same, remember you're modeling the behavior and over time, one day they will start expressing gratitude for your efforts and kindness. Also, when you're expressing gratitude for their efforts and kindness, it may be that they they are quick to give you the same kindness or the same gesture. Let them know listen, I'm sharing this. With you because I feel like sharing. It with you right now. Please don't feel like you have to. Give to give kindness and gratitude and. Thankfulness to me because I'm doing it for you right now. You can wait when it's natural and you feel inspired to do so. Oftentimes, especially for the love and belonging sovereign relationship need, a partner will want to give back immediately, and it's an. It is a defense or a reactive. Posture as opposed to doing it when inspired. So you will give them the freedom by saying that to do it when. They'Re inspired to do so. And they may just say, I feel like it right now and that's all great too. Number 20 oop, I skipped one. Number 19 acts of love. Show your affection through small gestures. Surprise your spouse with thoughtful presents, a. Love note, cook their favorite meal, or do something that they do usually. My husband is pretty religious about recycling and taking the trash out on Wednesday morning or Tuesday night. And every now and then if he's not feeling well or if he's out. Of town and the trash cans are. Full, I will do that for us in the exact way that he does. It, because he is meticulous and he's very caring about the workers that manage the trash and the recycling in the bins. Number 20 initiate intimacy. Physical closeness is essential. Initiate intimacy without discussing it explicitly. A light, quick, loving touch or a. Passionate kiss can rekindle the flame and connection between you two, and when they're surprised, surprisingly done or spontaneous, it's even more special. I also find that the other partner. Will say, what brought that on? Refrain from the need from for having to explain it and just say, oh, I just felt like it right now. How did that feel? And then move on with your day. After they answer number 21. Prioritize self care. When you take care of yourself, you become a better partner and a better person. Prioritize self care by getting enough rest. Exercising, eating well, and managing your stress. And anxiety and nervousness. Your partner can't do that for you. And when you are stressed for whatever reason, it does not create a healthy environment or a safe environment because we're in a reactive and defensive mode and we're ready to fight or leave, like. Just walk away and neither of those. Or we shut down and none of those are healthy. But saying, listen, I need to rest. I need to take time out for myself so I can be in a better place for this conversation and recognizing that is a very healthy and advanced skill for relationships. Number 22 respect each other. Treat your spouse with kindness and respect. Listen, actively validate their feelings. Avoid criticism and avoid telling them they're. Wrong or what they heard is incorrect. They're entitled to their thoughts and feelings. And what they think they heard. Let them have their space to share and just say, thank you for sharing. I really respect that you felt comfortable. Enough and said all of those things. Do you have any questions for me? Or you could say, if it's important enough to resolve. You could say, can I share my perspective with you? Because it's different from what I heard you say and get help from a relationship coach who is a strong and. Powerful empathic and compassionate communicator to show. You and give them examples so they can show you ways to communicate differently. I find that we as human beings were taught language and reading skills, and. Then we were thrown out into the. World to communicate with each other. And so we really haven't learned healthy relationship communication skills. So investing the time and budget towards that will go a long way in helping your relationship be long lasting, happy, healthy and harmonious. Number 23. I've said this. I'm saying it again. Spending time together despite the tension. Invest time in shared activities, attend events. Cook together, take walks, because being physically. Present can create a bridge to deeper. Understanding and dissipate any tension that's in the space. Number 24 build your emotional intelligence skills. Develop self awareness and empathy. Take some classes. Hire a coach to help you with. Examples in your relationship so they can show you what an empathic response or. Interaction looks like so that you can. Practice them yourself, understand your emotions and recognize your partner's feelings. Emotional intelligence builds connections, even when words fail. Number 25 and I have to say. This might be one of my most. Favorite build multiple intelligences in yourself and in your relationship. Go to drdarhawks.com comma click on blog. And search for my multiple intelligences blog. Post because I go into details there about what that is. In summary, multiple intelligences is a way to explore different ways to connect through art, music, physical touch, taking a creative. Class together, being out in nature, listening. To music, doing a crossword or jigsaw puzzle together. Review that blog post because I detail. What multiple intelligence theory is and the ways you can experience, explore and grow your multiple intelligences for yourself and your relationship, I'll let you in on a secret I share with my vip clients. Building multiple intelligences actually builds your emotional intelligence and maturity without talking about problems or your emotions. I also want to let you know. That building multiple intelligences brings your left brain and right brain into balance. Quite often when I find one of my clients is focused on overanalyzing, criticizing, blaming, accusing, and just, uh, any other unhealthy relationship behaviors, it really shuts their partner down. And honestly, the breaking up or divorce word comes up. If those behaviors continue over even a four week period, those thoughts show up. And sometimes couples even say that to each other. So multiple intelligences and building that for yourself and in your partner is worth checking out. Because I do share activities you can do on your own and with your partner that are light hearted and calming and will shift your brain from left brain over and out analysis critical thinking to a more balanced approach, and it will help you build empathy. Here are some examples of how to improve your marriage without talking about it. Number one, the art of presence in a world filled with distractions, being fully present is a ginormous gift that you can give and receive that speaks volumes. Listening and being fully present without distractions making eye contact with compassion is a priceless gift you can give your partner. Take the time to be silent, to truly listen. Look into your partner's eyes and understand what is being communicated without the need for words from you and echo back what you heard and give them the space to adjust what what they said. Because when you echo it back, they. May think of a different way of communicating or they were unclear in their original communication. And that's how you both gain clarity and understanding and alignment. I can't emphasize enough the importance of quality time with listening without an agenda. More often than not, some couples who are in arguing stages or criticizing, blaming. And accusing stages, they have an agenda. When they're getting together for quality time and you really need to leave that. At the door, a quiet walk together. A shared sunset, or just holding hands while watching a movie, or even just being in the room while you're both doing your own thing, can create connections that words can struggle to convey. There's a lot of truth in this saying. Silence is, is golden. Sarah and Mark, a couple struggling with the demands of work and family, found solace in dedicating 15 minutes each day. To sit in silence together. This quiet time allowed them to connect on a deeper level. Release stress, and they created a sense of unity without the pressure to vocalize their concerns. Number two, the power of touch. Physical touch, even a light one, transcends verbal barriers. I encourage my clients to rediscover the language of touch from gentle caresses to warm hugs. Even when you don't want to do it, touch can communicate love, support, and understanding in ways words can't capture. John and Emily, a couple navigating a period of emotional distance, started a nightly ritual of exchanging hand massages. The simple act of physical connection helped them to rebuild intimacy, diffused stress, and created an unspoken understanding that transcended the need for verbal reassurance. Number three, acts of service. Love, in this context is a verb, and actions speak louder than words. As I've mentioned earlier, I suggest taking small acts of kindness for your partner to express love and appreciation. Whether it's making breakfast for your partner to enjoy in bed, taking care of a household chore they usually do, or surprising them with a thoughtful gesture, these actions silently convey your commitment and care. Alex, aware of his wife Maria's hectic. Schedule, took it upon himself to prepare. A homemade dinner on a particularly stressful day. He doesn't enjoy making dinner or cooking lunch, and his wife, Maria, knows that about him. But she also knows that when he does, it tastes pretty darn good. This act of service spoke volumes to Maria. It showed that he was communicating his love and support without the need for one single spoken word. Number four, creating shared rituals. I emphasize the importance of creating shared experiences with my clients that become a language of their own. Whether it's a weekly movie night, a monthly adventure, or an annual tradition, having these shared habitual rituals create joyful memories and understanding. Here's an example. Lisa and James, a couple navigating the challenges of a long distance relationship, created a tradition of watching the same movie on Friday nights while on the phone or texting each other about the movie. This shared experience became a thread that connected them across the miles of distance that they were having, reinforcing their connection without the need for constant conversation in relationships, sometimes the deepest connections are formed in the silence between words. Exploring the nonverbal communication of, uh, gestures, touch and shared experiences has the power. To heal and strengthen your marriage in. Ways that words alone may struggle to achieve. And honestly, silence, like I said, is golden. And couples that come to me to. Help improve or even save their marriage. I find that they fill the space up with activities or too much talking. Or too much communication, and one or. The other partner is truly uncomfortable with silence. So silence and listening are two essential. Gifts you can give each other that do build a relationship to be stronger. More than any words can, I want to now cover the five sovereign relationship needs and how to meet them without uttering a word. These needs encapsulate the essence of a thriving partnership and provide you with a. Roadmap to strengthen your marriage without saying a word. The sovereign relationship needs are a revolutionary approach to cultivating lasting love and connection by understanding the five needs of love and belonging, fun, freedom, power and safety, and survival from your own perspective, but also that of your partners. Here's how to address these needs without verbal communication and real life examples. The love and belonging sovereign relationship need it is the foundation of any thriving relationship. I encourage you and invite you to engage in activities that create emotional intimacy without verbalizing every thought or feeling. A shared hobby, a quick dance, or even a heartfelt gaze can affirm love and belonging. You can express love not only through. Words, but also through actions that resonate at a soulful level. Simple gestures of affection, like a warm embrace or a gentle touch, can communicate profound love without the necessity of verbalizing it. Cultivating a deep sense of love and belonging involves also understanding your partner's emotions. Here are two examples. Rachel and David are navigating the challenges of a long distance relationship, so they share handwritten letters filled with affirmations of love. In spite of the physical distance, the tangible expression of their feelings meets the need for love and belonging, which creates connection. Nikki and Mark are feeling a, uh, disconnect after the birth of their first child. Because of the whole focus being put on their baby, they decided they would take dance lessons together and hire a. Babysitter to care for their child while they're gone. The nonverbal communication in their movements not only rekindled their romance, but also solidified their sense of belonging in each other's lives. The sovereign relationship need of fun laughter is the universal language of joy, emphasizing the importance of infusing fun and lightheartedness into your relationship. Shared experiences that bring joy and laughter act as nonverbal celebrations of each other. Whether it's engaging in playful activities or reminiscing about joyful moments, the language of fun can diffuse tension and stress, and that tension and stress doesn't have to. Be about you or that relationship. Laughter truly is the best medicine for a marriage. Injecting fun into your relationship without relying on words with a playful game, a surprise date, or even sharing a funny video can break down barriers and bring joy into your lives. Here are two examples. Emma and Jack are caught in the monotony of daily routines. They are really getting bored with each other in the relationship. So they decided to introduce a weekly fun night where they explored different activities. Together and new activities together, and they. Each took turns in choosing the activity. The joy they experienced during these moments naturally translated into a deeper connection because the person bringing the partner, bringing the new activity would teach teach the other. Partner about the activity, and then they. Would Sarah and Michael are a couple overcome with the demands of daily life. They are so stressed, and they're communicating from that space of stress without uttering a word. The laughter they shared made them forget the thing they were upset about, and they satisfied their need for light hearted connection. The sovereign relationship need of freedom allowing space for individual growth and autonomy is vital. Giving your partner space to make their own choices while you're making your own choices and not getting upset with them for making the choice and not including you is really important for a healthy, happy relationship. You could instead of blaming them or saying, why didn't you include me? Or involve me or discuss it with me first, you could instead, uh, say, how can I support you? What ways can I get involved and be included in this choice you've made? It's a much healthier way of handling each other's need of autonomy, but also building in inclusion and belonging so that the need for freedom doesn't conflict with the need for belonging. Recognizing the significance of allowing space for individual growth within your relationship creates trust, love, and support. Silent gestures that convey trust and respect for your partner's autonomy can fulfill the need for freedom. It might be as simple as giving. Your partner time alone to pursue personal interests or supporting their individual goals, or giving them half an hour to an hour in the morning when they wake up for their daily routine until they're. Ready for their day. Here are a couple of examples. Sasha and David are pursuing demanding careers. There's not much time left in the day for each other, so they've learned to give each other space without feeling neglected. Sasha gives him space when he gets home from work, allowing him to ease into home activities at his own pace. And David understands that Sasha works from home all day, so he takes care of some of the household chores that. She couldn't get done while she was working. Small gestures, like a knowing smile or a supportive glance, communicates understanding and respect for their individual journeys. Here are a couple of examples. Emma and Chris are having issues with each other's demanding schedules, so instead, they acknowledge each other's need for personal space. Chris took the initiative to plan a solo weekend retreat for Emma, providing her the freedom to recharge and pursue her passions independently while he took care of their three children. He did this by asking when she had a weekend completely free, without work or other commitments. And he didn't say anything else. He just planned the trip for her and gave her her gift certificate and the details in a beautiful envelope and left it on her pillow. This reinforced the strength of their relationship with a new understanding of each other. The power sovereign relationship need. The need for power in a relationship is not about control, but about feeling valued and respected. I advocate for nonverbal affirmations of your partner's strengths and contributions. Recognition through actions such as acknowledging their achievements with a nod and a smile or seeking their input fosters a sense of empowerment for each other. Power dynamics can silently shape a relationship, and needs for control. And power can shape it, too, in not a healthy way. I advocate for mutual empowerment through actions supporting your partner's goals. Acknowledging their strengths and sharing responsibilities are a powerful way to communicate without words. Here are a couple examples. Mason and Lisa are, uh, grappling with imbalances and decision making when it comes to planning date nights. So they began taking turns planning special occasions. This nonverbal negotiation of power dynamics not only strengthened their connection, but also created a sense of equality. Sure, they had a verbal conversations about taking turns for planning date nights, but when it was Mason's turn or when it was Lisa's turn, there's nonverbal planning and scheduling and getting there and having the date night that takes place. Jake and Olivia are facing a challenging decision, so they decided to make a collaborative vision board to map out their goals. They agreed to do this silently as they're picking out pictures and words to post on the board. The act of recognizing each other's dreams and individual aspirations silently conveyed a shared sense of power, of influence, solidifying their partnership. They did not share their feelings or thoughts or what they were seeing about their partner's words and picture choices. It was a silent activity of creating a collaborative vision board, and it was amazing the result that it produced of connection and they started communicating in such a different way, a more healthy and supportive way. The safety and survival sovereign relationship need I cannot emphasize enough the importance of creating an environment where both partners feel secure. Nonverbal cues, such as offering a comforting touch during difficult times or ensuring a safe physical space can address the need for safety and survival without the need for explicit communication. Mark and Lisa, a couple navigating financial uncertainty, found solace in creating a joint emergency fund. Although Lisa could not contribute as much as her partner, she demonstrated how she contributes in other ways. Mark agreed with the amount she was contributing given the level of her income. In fact, he was thrilled she was contributing to the fund as it built a sense of co responsibility and co equality. Mark and Lisa saw that it didn't matter how much they were putting in the fund, as long as they started creating the fund, and that they had a commitment to exhaust all other possibilities when an emergency arose so that they could continue building the fund instead of depleting it. This unspoken commitment and honoring the agreement to each other created positive well being and provided a silent assurance of safety and security, reinforcing their relationship, especially in times of uncertainty. Alex and Penelope are overcoming a, uh, past betrayal, so they needed to rebuild trust through small, consistent actions. Alex's commitment to being transparent, leaving his cell phone easily accessible to Olivia when she felt insecure and giving her the ability to pick it up and look at it, was a strain on his need for freedom. But he understood because of the past betrayal. For a six month period of time, he and Olivia agreed that he would leave his cell phone accessible to her. Olivia's willingness to forgive silently and not constantly look at his phone to reinforce. Her safety and survival need and instead. Just periodically pick it up out of curiosity when she was lighthearted, spoke volumes about her commitment to safety and survival and that of her partner's safety and survival need. Understanding your primary, secondary, and shadow needs will provide you profound insights into your relationship dynamics. Imagine the benefits of unlocking the silent language that can bridge the gaps in your marriage through the sovereign relationship needs. You can take the sovereign relationship needs quiz by going to needs dot drdarhawks.com improving your marriage doesn't always require lengthy conversations or conflict. By implementing these practical steps, you can improve your relationship without talking about it extensively. I want you to know that actions do speak volumes over words, and these small, incremental steps and efforts can lead to significant shifts. I look forward to seeing you and meeting you in the next podcast.