Ep45 How to Be a Better Husband

In episode 45 of the Better Relationships Podcast, Dr. Dar Hawks, The Relationship Healer, shares five powerful ways to become a better husband starting today. Dr. Dar emphasizes the importance of commitment and continuous self-improvement in creating a loving, happy, and supportive partnership. 

By investing in your relationship and learning healthy relationship skills, you can foster a more harmonious and fulfilling home life. Join Dr. Dar as she delves into actionable strategies to enhance your marriage, family life, and overall relationship satisfaction.


Chapters- 00:00 - Introduction: Dr. Dar introduces the topic of becoming a better husband and the significance of self-improvement in relationships.
- 02:15 - Express Gratitude Regularly: Learn how the power of gratitude can transform your relationship and create a positive interaction cycle.
- 10:30 - Take on Responsibilities Together: Discover the benefits of shared responsibilities in marriage and how it builds unity and reduces stress.
- 18:45 - Schedule Quality Time with Your Spouse: Understand the importance of regular date nights and creative ways to connect emotionally.
- 27:00 - Improve Communication and Relationship Skills: Explore effective communication techniques and empathetic listening to enhance marital satisfaction.
- 35:30 - Prioritize Your Spouse's Needs and Goals: Learn how prioritizing your partner's needs can strengthen your relationship and build emotional intimacy.
- 45:00 - Continuous Growth for a Thriving Marriage: Dr. Dar discusses the importance of personal growth and commitment in maintaining a thriving marriage.

Commit to making meaningful changes today and watch your marriage flourish. For more insights and resources, visit Toolkit.drdarhawks.com to get your relationship toolkit and take the free relationship needs quiz to discover your dominant primary relationship n

Welcome to the Better Relationships Podcast where Dr. Dar Hawks shares relationship tips and advice to help you be seen, heard, understood, and supported in your relationships.  Taking on tough topics and giving you hope, inspiration, and ideas to experiment with, Dr. Dar Hawks is passionate about creating healthier, happier, and harmonious relationships... 
Because when you are happy in your relationship, the world becomes a better place for all of us.

Welcome to the Better Relationships Podcast where Dr. Dar Hawks shares relationship tips and advice to help you be seen, heard, understood, and supported in your relationships.  Taking on tough topics and giving you hope, inspiration, and ideas to experiment with, Dr. Dar Hawks is passionate about creating healthier, happier, and harmonious relationships... 
Because when you are happy in your relationship, the world becomes a better place for all of us.

Transcript

1:00

Welcome to the Better Relationships podcast. This is episode 45. I'm Doctor Dar Hawkes, the relationship healer, and today's topic is five ways for how to become a better husband. Starting today, being a great husband is more than just a role. It's a commitment to creating and having a loving, happy and supportive partnership that lasts. When you invest in improving yourself as a spouse, you create a more harmonious and fulfilling home life. Investing in your relationship and improving yourself and learning healthy, happy, harmonious relationship skills takes time. With incremental, consistent steps and actions, you and your relationship can get better and better every single day. So why should you focus on being a better husband? First, it's to improve your marriage and improve your relationship and make it better over time instead of it being stagnant. Strengthening your relationship leads to greater marital satisfaction for yourself and your partner. It creates a happier life where you both grow individually and together and expand yourselves and your relationship. Secondly, it's to enhance your family life. A strong partnership sets a positive example for your family, for children and friends that are around you, and provides a nurturing environment. Here are five ways to become a better husband starting today. Number one, express gratitude regularly gratitude is underused and undervalued in relationships. I feel it is such a high, highly impactful tool that can transform your relationship when it's expressed consistently, authentically and appreciatively. The power of gratitude in relationships gratitude has the incredible ability to shift your focus and mindset. Ah, from what's broken and lacking to what you like, love and cherish. It feels good to give it, and it feels equally good to receive it. I often find that my clients tend to be hyper focused on what is not working, what is lacking, or what is bothering them about their partner and their relationship. But once I unpack what's working versus what's not with them in a coaching session, I usually find that only ten to 15% of the relationship is problematic. The remaining 85% to 90% consists of the good stuff. But when something bugs us, our brains tend to hyper focus and overanalyze and overthink it and become overcritical of it. So by the time clients find me, they are hyper focused on that ten to 15%. Reorienting them to focus on what is working in their relationship and adding daily expression and appreciation of those things with each other alleviates the pressure of having to solve the thing that's driving the wedge between them. Once they are in a more approachable mood and mindset, they can then have a healthy, facilitated dialogue. Once they are in a more approachable mood and mindset. The couple then can have a healthy dialogue with me facilitating it about working through the things that were bothering them or the things that were causing arguments and find a solution to them. Attempting to work on your relationship when you're already aggravated about something your partner is doing or saying tends to bring more of the aggravation into the mix with defensiveness and even arguments. However, recognizing and acknowledging the little things your spouse does can significantly enhance mutual respect, support, and an openness to hear each other out and come up with mutually satisfying solutions. Gratitude creates a positive interaction cycle where both partners feel valued and are motivated and inspired to contribute more positively to each other and the relationship. There are daily habits for expressing appreciation and gratitude. Developing these daily habits to express gratitude can make a big difference in your relationship fairly quickly. First, each day, make it a habit to list five things you are grateful for about your spouse. This could be as simple as appreciating their smile or thanking them for their support. The second one is verbal acknowledgment. Take moments throughout the day to verbally acknowledge and thank your spouse. The second one is verbal acknowledgment. Take moments throughout the day to verbally acknowledge and thank your spouse for specific actions or qualities. Number three, written notes. Leave small notes of appreciation where they'll find them on the bathroom mirror, inside their lunchbox, or on their pillow. And here's a tip. Wait until they mention it to you that they found it. Unless you're concerned that it got thrown away in a box or something, just be patient and wait for them to find it and experience the joy that you can observe in them. Rather than saying something like I put the note in your lunch that you took to work. Did you not see it? That is an example of how your how you could detract from the benefit of expressing gratitude. Here's how gratitude strengthens emotional safety and trust when gratitude is regularly expressed, it can how gratitude strengthens emotional safety and trust when gratitude is regularly expressed, it can transform not only how you see your partner, but also how they perceive themselves within the relationship. It also increases emotional safety. By reassuring your spouse that they are valued, appreciated, and loved, this daily trust building practice lays a solid foundation for deeper intimacy and mutual understanding. On the plus side, expressing gratitude only takes a few minutes with a gigantic payoff. This daily trust building practice lays a solid foundation for deeper intimacy and mutual understanding. On the plus side, expressing gratitude only takes a few minutes with a gigantic payoff. When both partners feel secure and appreciated, they are more likely to share openly and support each other day to day and as life throws you challenges or curveballs. Number two, taking on responsibility together in a partnership shared responsibilities in a marriage builds a sense of unity and partnership. When both of you actively participate in managing household tasks, parenting duties, financial obligations or other activities, it actually alleviates stress and creates a more balanced environment. It creates the space for both of you to feel like you're not in this alone, that you have support from each other, and that you're partners. Open communication is another way. Have weekly discussions about daily tasks. how gratitude strengthens emotional safety and trust when gratitude is regularly expressed, it can transform not only how you see your partner, how you see yourself, but also how your partner perceives themselves in the relationship. It also increases emotional safety by reassuring your spouse that they are valued and loved. It provides both of you the understanding that you're not in this alone, that you have a supportive partner, that you are collaborating together in this thing called life partnership, marriage and a committed relationship. This daily trust building practice lays a solid foundation for deeper intimacy and mutual understanding. On the plus side, expressing gratitude only takes a couple of minutes and it has a huge payoff. When both of you feel secure and appreciated, you're both more likely to share openly and support each other through life's challenges. The second way for expressing appreciation is to take on responsibilities together. Shared responsibilities build a sense of unity and equal partnership. When both of you actively participate in managing household tasks, parenting duties, parenting duties, and other and financial obligations or other duties. It alleviates stress and creates a more balanced environment when you openly communicate. Another way for taking on responsibility together is to have open communication. Schedule regular weekly discussions about daily tasks and responsibilities. This five to 15 minutes time each week can pay dividends in your relationship for a lifetime. It's a habit that I highly recommend you get into together regularly, preferably on the same day at the same time. It only takes five to 15 minutes each week. Ask your spouse which areas they find overwhelming and offer your help. Here's a tip. Because you may be unlikely to do things exactly the way your partner does, it would be a good idea for you to ask them to accept your way of doing it because your shared objective is to get it done well, not to get it done perfectly. Be sure to also ask when they want it done by. Most of the time when I work with couples, I find that expectations have not been met and usually it's because they have not agreed to when it's going to be done by and if they're going to miss the date. They haven't renegotiated that time and date. Be observant. Pay attention to the tasks that consistently burden your partner. Step in to assist without being asked, and create a plan. Develop a shared schedule or checklist that outlines each person's duties. This ensures that you both are clear, and it demonstrates fairness. It also provides role modeling for children or family members to show how you work collaboratively and share in responsibilities. Here are the benefits of teamwork for emotional attraction and satisfaction. By sharing responsibilities, you demonstrate empathy and support, which then builds trust and emotional safety. Imagine coming home from work one day when you had to work late to find your chores already done or receiving a helping hand with the kids. These small acts can make your spouse feel valued. It also creates increased intimacy where working together on common goals strengthens your relationship. It reduces stress because shared burdens mean less stress for each of you, contributing to a happier home environment. And it enhances satisfaction because you know that you're not alone in managing life and your household demands, which then increases overall relationship satisfaction. Taking on responsibilities together isn't just about dividing tasks, it's about showing that you're in this together. Number three, schedule quality time with your spouse. Carving out time on your calendar, that is a regular thing, the same day if possible, each week is essential because spending quality time with your spouse is essential for maintaining a deep emotional connection. It shows that they are a priority, shows that that time is a priority. Regular date nights can play a significant role in building intimacy and, ensuring that both of you feel valued and loved. I want to talk now about the role of regular date nights in intimacy. Building. You have to be consistent. Committing to regular date nights helps keep the romance alive. It signals that you prioritize your relationship in spite of your busy schedules. Be sure to keep your cell phone or other distractions at bay so you can focus on each other, looking at each other, making eye contact with undivided attention. Engaging in activities together allows you to reconnect emotionally, creating a safe space to share thoughts and feelings. Couples who communicate openly and honestly, regularly build emotional connection. Discussing topics of mutual and individual interest, not just family, children, or household related topics, can also demonstrate an interest in each other's thoughts and feelings. Physical closeness physical touch, such as holding hands or hugging, enhances intimacy and connection. These seemingly small actions can make a big impact on creating a healthy, happy, and harmonious relationship with your partner. Creative weekly date ideas to connect emotionally finding unique date night ideas can keep things exciting and interesting, and here are some creative suggestions. Have a game night. Have some fun together with board games or video games for a fun evening. Just a side note, if you're both competitive, have some ground rules for not being competitive during that game and instead using it as a way to connect and have fun together. M cooking together preparing a meal together at home can be both intimate and enjoyable. Outdoor adventures plan a hike, picnic, or a bike ride. Take a class that neither of you know anything about to learn something new together. Nature offers a serene backdrop for meaningful conversations as well, and being outside is just so good and healthy for you both to do together. Share in cultural experiences visit a museum, attend a concert, or watch a play. Shared experiences like this can create lasting memories. Here's the impact of small gestures on expressing love and care. Small acts of kindness can have a profound impact on your relationship. Using love notes leave surprise notes for your partner in places where they'll find them throughout the day. Using thoughtful gifts giving m thoughtful gifts simple tokens of appreciation, such as their favorite snack or a book they've wanted to read. Show that you're thinking about them and you're paying attention when they mention things that they want to do or they want. Providing acts of service, completing household chores without being asked, or preparing breakfast in bed can show love and care in everyday life as well. Number four improve communication and relationship skills in your marriage. Effective communication and listening is the cornerstone of a healthy marriage. Learning to truly listen and be silent and wait for your turn to express yourself can transform your relationship. Empathetic listening plays a critical role in improving marital satisfaction. When you listen with empathy, you validate your partner's feelings. You show that you care and understand their perspective. And when you're listening without being distracted and making eye contact and using all of your body and your mind to listen, you're not going to miss cues or misunderstand what they're saying. It reduces the chances of that happening. This practice of empathetic listening helps build emotional safety and trust. Here are some techniques for effective communication. Avoid unsolicited advice sometimes. Well, more often than not, your spouse just needs to venta offering solutions or trying to fix things when they did not ask you to can feel very dismissive. Instead, ask if they want advice or if they just want a listening ear before they go into sharing with you. Practice active listening. This involves nodding, maintaining eye contact, and repeating back what your partner has said to ensure understanding. Say something like, I just want to summarize what you just said and ensure that I understood it, and then say what you think you heard. It's important to use I statements expressing your feelings using I statements rather than accusations saying, for example, I feel neglected when we don't spend time together as opposed to you never spend time with me. Using I statements can prevent defender and foster open dialogue. Improving communication leads to deeper understanding and emotional safety. I feel that partners know when communication is getting derailed and sadly, many of them really don't know how to communicate in an intimate relationship. Most of us have been taught reading and writing skills and speaking skills, but not using communication to connect and to create positive results skills. However, when both partners do feel heard and valued, it improves communication, leads to deeper understanding and emotional safety, which then creates a more harmonious and fulfilling relationship. The fifth way to be a better husband is to prioritize your spouse's needs and goals. Make your partner a top priority every day. One of the most impactful ways to become a better husband is to prioritize your spouse's needs. This doesn't mean that you're not prioritizing yourself or your work or your responsibilities. It means that you treat your spouse like they are a priority above everything else, equal to you being a priority for yourself. This means being attentive and responsive to their emotional, physical, spiritual, financial, legal and mental well being. Simple actions like listening actively when they speak, offering support during challenging times, engaging in meaningful conversations about their day, having undivided attention when your partner is speaking with you and asking how you can help make her day easier, and lastly, being interested when she shares what she did at work or during the day. This reminds me of one of my clients who said that talking with his wife about his day was completely a waste of time. He would rather just go to his garage and work on his car after a long, hard day of work. But this created a big divide between the two of them. She wanted to share her day with him and hear about his she felt he was being selfish and withholding from her. No matter how immaterial you think something is, know that it may not be immaterial to your spouse. And an easy way to connect with each other is sharing about each other's day, especially when you spend the day apart that, believe it or not, builds trust in your relationship and emotional safety as well. By making a conscientious effort to communicate, even explain things about your day, youre partner may not understand. You show that you care and want to share a large part of your day that you spend apart with them. finances can also be a contentious topic in many marriages. Approaching these discussions with an open mind and without criticism creates a healthier relationship dynamic. Here's how you can accomplish that. Schedule regular monthly financial discussions to review budgets, etcetera. Expenses and savings goals. Use I statements to express your feelings without blaming or criticizing. Set shared financial goals, such as saving for a vacation or paying off debt together, or saving for retirement, or making a pledge to reduce spending or making a pledge to reduce spending. Also participate in setting individual financial goals because each of you have things that you want to do on your own as well. These practices ensure that both of you feel heard and valued, reducing the potential for conflict. There's also an art in how to talk with each other on topics such as money. I am here to support you in learning how to communicate. If finances or other topics are very contentious, you can reach out to me@drdarhawks.com and on the far right, click on the Contact button to either send me an email or schedule a, chat with me so that we can talk further about your needs so I may support you. These practices I've shared ensure that both of you feel valued and heard. Now I want to talk about the positive impact of prioritizing your spouse on overall relationship health. When you prioritize your spouse's needs and goals as well as your own, it enhances the overhealth of your relationship. The benefits you and your partner will experience increased trust as your partner feels more secure knowing they're a priority to you greater emotional intimacy stemming from mutual respect and understanding enhanced teamwork and partnership as you go through life together in a more unified approach mutually fulfilling interactions by embracing these 15 skills being mindful and respectful of each other appreciating and loving each other balancing individuality with being a couple valuing and appreciating each other supporting each other trusting each other and honoring each other's commitments and commitments to each other provide and have emotional safety provide and have spiritual safety being partners in financial security accepting and understanding each other practicing connecting compassionate communication creating common ground creating intimate connection creating harmony and healthy boundaries and creating time and space for romance, intimacy and sex next, I want to talk about continuous growth for a thriving marriage. Demonstrating personal growth as a husband is important in order to create a thriving marriage that lasts. Aim to be present, attentive and proactive in your personal development and in nurturing your relationship. The journey to becoming a better husband is continuous and ongoing, and it's deeply rewarding. Commit today to make meaningful changes and watch your marriage flourish. Work towards strengthening your relationship skills so that you can become a healthy, equal partner. Have a healthy relationship mindset, practice healthy relationship behaviors, learn to use connecting, compassionate communication, manage your energy and your moods, and regularly schedule quality time. If you would like to learn more about those relationship skills and how to build them, you can get my relationships toolkit. You can get the toolkit at Toolkit dot drdarhawks.com, where I talk about the 15 relationship skills and the five ways to become a better partner that I just covered with you. If the toolkit's not for you, get started with your self development by discovering your dominant primary relationship need that motivates and drives you within your relationship. Take my free quiz and ask your partner too as well, so that you can both learn how your dominant primary relationship needs works with that of your partners. Thank you for the gift of your time and your listening. I look forward to connecting with you in the next podcast, and in the meantime, please do leave me a comment or reach out. I'm, here for you. I would love to get to know you and support you in creating a thriving marriage.